Friday, July 22, 2011

I'm sailing away

Day One

Today I woke up so excited! I don't think I've been this excited in awhile and now I'm on the way to the Bahamas! I have no idea what to expect or if I even have the right to be this excited but I love the people that I'm here with and they always seem to make me feel better without even knowing they'r doing so.

Today I'm thinking about our trip but I'm also finding myself thinking about all the worries I'm leaving behind. I shouldn't be worried because that's what my devotion book tells me not to. And they are all going to be waiting for me when I get back. So I may as well give them up for a few days.

The truth is I find myself worrying a lot lately, I worry about silly things too. Kelly spent all this time making these devotions and I can tell there already starting to work. She had us write down our worries then we had to get rid of 92% of them. I looked at my list and it was one of the hardest things ever. To not worry about the things I had been worrying about? What is she trying to do to me? I took my list and I did as I was told. I realized the the only thing remaining on my list was the only real thing I could control. I couldn't worry about my brother, my mother, or my dog. The only real thing I could worry about was myself. At first I thought it would be the hardest thing ever, then I realized what a relief it was to not worry as much. I got to enjoy myself for the first time in a really long time. I thought that I was being selfish at first. But then I realized how exhausted I had been. Pretending to be okay all the time had taken a toll on me that I didn't even know. I know I'm not perfect and I have no idea why I try to be. I know it's pointless and unreachable goal. But it's funny because when I stopped worrying and took the time to relax and reflect it felt like I got a lot closer to that pointless and unreachable goal.

As hard as it is for me to admit it, I think I may just need to start taking some time to relax and maybe just maybe not worry so much.


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