Thoughts

I find that I'm often bored when my mind isn't being swept away in a book or lost in a conversation.

Words

Every once and awhile you come across words that play to your heartstrings like magic, seamlessly dancing off the pages tingling in your fingertips. Words can so eloquently be placed out into the world, only to be heard and forgotten. But that doesn’t make them any less honest, any less meaningful, or any less real. Beauty isn’t always seen with plain eyes. It can be spoken by simple tongue and heard by sensible ears. Words can be used as weapons against our greatest fears. Words make us fall in love, believe in magic, and even brings to light feelings we can’t explain with words. We spit our words out like fireflies watching them light the bright sky and not knowing their purpose. We take advantage of ourselves, forget the power we hold, and demean others with our words. We delight in the rhythm of their placement and sway to their lyrics. We indulge ourselves in meaningless conversation and run away at the sound of commitment. Words change lives just by the way they are laid on a page. Words can bring smiles to faces of sorrow, joy to unnerving souls, and comfort to worried hearts. The only thing more powerful than words are the ways in which we use them..

-Kelly

February

Big blue eyes and a smile that goes on for miles All those jokes yet you've still got no style You knew all the right things to sayYou made my knees shake by the way But I've come to find the truth It never meant a thing to you

Thought I knew you from the start Thought our love was something smart It all made perfect sense to me

Oh by the way you made me dance All the words you made me sing Maybe it was all just a dream Because nothing is perfect When it all goes wrong Memories fade & people begin to stray Strings break, songs get too long And the things we once thought We don't think at all.

You Took the biggest part You Broke my fragile heart You Left me in the dark

And now you Think this is a game And you've Misplaced all the blame

Thought I knew you from the start Thought our love was something smart It all made perfect sense to me

Oh by the way you made me dance All the words you made me sing Maybe it was all just a dream Because nothing is perfect When it all goes wrong Memories fade and people begin to stray Strings break, songs get too long And the things we once thought We don't think at all.

-Kelly

Times They Aren't A Changin'

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down, for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

And the pavement has come to know my knees so well. We've become old friends in the worst of ways. Just dust yourself off and move on with your day. But it's what they can't see that's always scaring me.

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

He spends his nights in angry fits And as the sun appears so comes those sorry tears. He spits out words to comfort all my worried fears until I forgive those sorry eyes.

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

I’ve studied his face and mastered his moves. I know when he’s bad and when he’s good. He’s got these tells that only I can see. And they almost never end with me being happy.

I’m tearing down these walls. Letting them come on down. I’ve made my mistakes thinking he’ll change those words he keeps spiting are sounding all the same. There's no easy way out I can’t be afraid those people were wrong. He’ll never change.

-Kelly

The Bible in my hallway

I've see you in the hall almost every day these last few weeks, yet I haven't acknowledge your presence. We've known each other for years and while we've had our differences, I've always seemed to come back to you whenever I feel like I'm falling apart. You always know what to say at the very moment I need it the most, and I know that among all the words inside you I will always find my way.

I realize that every time I just walk by and don't say hello I'm slipping farther away. I can spend my night praying to keep our connection but at some point I'm going to have to work harder at the end of the day. So I'm not walking past you again without picking you up like an old friend. I've lost myself before and you were the one who brought me back to where I needed to be. I'll never be able to thank you for that, but I can start by reminding myself every day why I believe.

-Kelly

Who am I?

I don't have a badge that says "Christian" on it. It's not something I wear printed across my chest. It's who I am, and while I may not literally have a sign pointed at me at all times declaring that I am a believer. I want people to be able to look at me and know what I believe. I want to be a walking testament of all thee amazing things God has done in my life.

-Kelly

If you ask me how I'm beautiful, this is what I'ed say.

I am self-conscious. I feel judged by others with everything I do. I sometimes am scared when I think about the future. Sometimes I tell myself I don’t want to be with anyone and would rather just end up alone. Other times I’m scared to death of the idea. I complain, I stress, and I strive for perfection knowing full well it doesn’t exist. I can be loud, opinionated, caring, optimistic, and pessimistic all at the time same. I sometimes feel unworthy. I sometimes doubt myself. I try not to be quick to judge but I’m only human. I’ve lost people I care about. I’ve been let down. I’m easily offended and my feelings get hurt a lot, but I never let people know. I can usually be found wearing a smile, even when I’m not happy. I haven’t forgotten where I’ve come from or ever wished I could change it. I’m guilty of being jealous of other people. I have been proud when I shouldn’t have. I’ve hurt people on purpose before. I can be bitter, cold, and unforgiving sometimes. I’ve never claimed to be perfect and I haven’t always stood up for myself. I sometimes can’t sleep because of nightmares. I’ve always love the way words can paint a picture if laid in the right order. I spend most of my time to myself and sometimes I can be shy. I don’t always feel comfortable. I judge myself more than anyone else ever has. I don’t take criticism well but I do learn from it. I am nervous about everything and often give myself butterflies even when it’s something I’ve done a million times. I’ll only cry if I’m alone and I won’t tell people if it happens. I don’t sleep enough and sometimes I can be very unproductive. I doubt myself and I feel like my opinions don’t matter, but I’ll say them anyway. In emergency situations I’m always fast to act and help in whatever way I can, but as soon as everything is fine and I am alone I will have a breakdown and need to be in a ball and cry. I’ve been broken down and felt like I was at the end of my rope but I’ve always gotten back up. I’ve fallen away from God and from my family before. I’ve pulled myself out from dark places. I’ve been humbled by God’s grace. I’ve had moments of weakness, lost hope, and I’ve been tired. I’m not perfect by any means. But someone still died for me to be here. Someone still gave his life for me to live this clumsy life. Someone still loved me enough to look past all my flaws and want nothing more than to have me forever. Before I was even born he had a plan for me, and now I’m just trying my best to follow him.

-Kelly

Happy Endings (Originally posted July 22, 2011)

Happy Endings by Kelly Elizabeth Jarvis.

Once upon a time. Those are words I've heard a lot growing up, and I've been thinking lately. As woman we are taught from a very young age about love. It’s everywhere. We see it in TV shows, magazines, and even children’s movies. So I don’t blame anyone for getting the idea that that’s what the key to happiness is or anything. But I got to thinking about it more and it kind of started driving me a little crazy. We can spend our whole lives looking for “the one” our prince charming or lady in waiting. We can spend all this time running around like our lives are some kind of fairy tale and we won’t get our happy ending without that last kiss from our true love. I think we’ve seem to forgotten something. We’ve already been part of the most epic love story ever. It’s not some boy meets girl falls in love and does anything and everything he can to get this girl. Our story is about a man who was born here for a reason. To save us, He gave his life because He loved you so much. He was tortured and and killed on a cross, all this without ever even meeting you. He did this because he knew what your life was going to be. He knew all the things you were going to do and he loved you no matter what you turned out to be. He never met me, never heard my voice, and I never once said I loved him to his face. But he gladly took my place on that cross. He did it all so that one day I would be able to see him, and I would be able to tell him I love him. He did this so that one day when my life here is over I can have my happy ending.

If that’s not the most beautiful love story ever I don’t know what is.

The end.

-Kelly

Worthy

Worthy by Kelly Elizabeth Jarvis.

This is something I wrote last year while I was working at my old church. I wrote it as part of a project that I had been planning for months. While the reason behind it may have been for other people I feel like when I was sitting down to write it I was speaking to myself in a lot of ways. I know for a fact I was speaking about myself. I've dealt with a lot of things in my life. Good and bad and I am blessed for all of them. This is always a reminder to me of the things God is willing to do for me and it would seem that it reopens my eyes to just how much he loves me every time I read it. I realize now that I wasn't the one writing it at the time, that these words came from God when I needed them and for me to share them to others who may be needing them.

Sometimes I feel like my knees will forever be part of the ground I lay here on. It’s then that you pick me up and hold me tight so I can hear your heartbeat. I see myself as weak in all of their eyes, but you see my strength. I seem cold to them all. But you know it’s my hurt that goes so deep I can’t see the light at the end of the hole I’ve dug myself in. I hold back feelings as to not let them all see. That I’m so broken inside I can’t even see me. But you tell me I have purpose, a reason for this life. My tongue is sore from biting my word, because I can’t seem to use the ones you do to describe me. beautiful, wonderful, and amazing. Caring and strong. These words that you use make me come undone. You speak like I am worth a place on this earth and watch me like I am a gift. You are my God and I am your child and I will forever love you.

-Kelly

Remember John 3:16

As woman I think that ideas are placed in our minds at a very young age. We are show fairytale after fairytale and, told that there is a prince charming out there for us. Some of us spend our whole lives waiting for this grand gesture from someone that proves their love for us. We've grown to need that kind of confirmation in our everyday lives. We are disappointed if this unrealistic expectation never happens. And yet. It has. We seem to have forgotten that we all started out with the biggest grand gesture of them all. Someone has already given up the most important thing in their lives for you. Someone has already died to love you. One put himself on a cross and one sent him to do so. One was spit on, beating, and torn down, and one had to watch in pain. They did this so that one day they could spend forever with you. They may not sparkle in the sunlight or write songs about Their undying love for you. But one created the sunlight and one did died for you.

-Kelly

Grand Gesture

Grand Gesture by Kelly Elizabeth Jarvis.


I would see myself as a very strong independent woman. While I haven't been a woman for very long as I am only 22, however I've always felt like I could take care of myself. I've never grown up thinking about the day I get married, and I'm not sure I will ever get married. It's not something I tend to put great thought into.

However I have noticed that for most girls this is the case. I have friends (Nicole) that have files for their wedding day and they aren't even dating anyone right now. Now I'm not saying that marriage isn't something I haven't thought about. I was engaged when I was seventeen and that's when I realized that this idea of growing up and finding "the one" was getting in the way of what was really happening.
I came around and realized that this was the first person who ever told me they loved me outside of my family, and while we had fun together we weren't made for each other. We were seventeen and we just wanted someone to love us, and we figured that getting married would mean having someone love us, forever.

I've often thought about what would have happened if I never changed my mind. If I hadn't broken it off. If I had never grown up and realized that while being asked to marry someone is kind of magical, and for a moment in your life the only people in the world are you and that person. That in the background, you have a real life, and that this answer changes that real life. They don't tell you about that in those .

As woman I think that ideas are placed in our minds at a very young age. We are show fairytale after fairytale and, told that there is a prince charming out there for us. Some of us spend our whole lives waiting for this grand gesture from someone that proves their love for us. We've grown to need that kind of confirmation in our everyday lives. We are disappointed if this unrealistic expectation never happens. And yet. It has. We seem to have forgotten that we all started out with the biggest grand gesture of them all. Someone has already given up the most important thing in their lives for you. Someone has already died to love you. One put himself on a cross and one sent him to do so. One was spit on, beating, and torn down, and one had to watch in pain. They did this so that one day they could spend forever with you. They may not sparkle in the sunlight or write songs about Their undying love for you. But one created the sunlight and one did died for you.

Remember John 3:16

-Kelly