Always before you leave. Tell me you love me.

As I sit and wait the walls all seem to close in slowly, As they all turn to gray, As I close my eyes and try and focus on the last words we spoke today.

We knew one of us would have to say good-bye, pictures play over and over again I rest on the past knowing this would be the end to the future Words passing by like lighting bugs,

Smiles and laughs the people that said it would never last. The people that would never know who we are, The words I said everyday as you walk out my life for a few moments Always before you leave tell me you love me. And with a smile you would replay Everyday forever always, that's what's bringing me back home.

I rest my head on the wall. Stopping my eyes from letting the salt pour, This would be our end just now Forever and always still lasting

Your face is all I could see when my eyes open the room was empty we held each others hands And knew it was the end. Sometime even we couldn't stop time

For this moment we play our songs and watched our painted memories

Smiles and laughs the people that said it would never last. The people that would never know who we are, The words I said everyday as you walk out my life for a few moments always before you leave tell me you love me. And with a smile you would replay Everyday, Forever, always, That's what brings me back home.

Don't hold your breath You'll be holding it forever, Eyes locked Everyone starring but there's only us, we would have never been more alive if it not for our amazing lives

Hold one last time with the strength of an ox that last breath in my ear you let out that sound with a cold breath across my cheek you said

Always remember The Smiles and laughs The people that had our backs The ones that know who we always could be Remember the words that kept me coming home Always before you leave tell me you love me. And for one last time he replayed, Everyday, forever always,

-Kelly

A Smile and a Smirk

You give up things that aren't true,

You make me feel like I can't keep what's real inside me, How can this be. I know what I knew and said what I should, You lie to me. And why must I feel this way how can you just make me forget who I am, Make me feel like I can't tell time

I'm hiding from things that don't seem real anymore I'm hiding from you.

sorry you forgot to tell me the truth sorry I woke up and realized you keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away,

your rain on my window, you'll always be gone by morning, and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to thank you.

Do you see what's happened you left me with nothing when I thought I knew everything? and now you see I'm left with stupid memories of you like they are going to keep me company I don't need over used images of happy time's but you keep lying to yourself then maybe one day everything will come true, and you can keep saying its not me its you.

Sorry you forgot to tell the truth. Sorry I woke up and realized. You keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away, Your rain on my window you'll always be gone by morning. and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to say thank you.

Now we hide the easy part. The let go and down fall. walk past in the halls with not much then a nod never say how much the taste still stays, always acting like its okay. But you'll still be looking for my smile and smirk while I'm still making sure you never make me happy, and watch the days go by till i forget all your lies

Sorry you forgot to tell me the truth. Sorry I woke up and realized. you keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away your rain on my window you'll always gone by morning. and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to thank you.

-Kelly

Silly Talk

so i hide what i feel in silly talk on the phone at 8 O-Clock.

I close my eyes but never sleep you never come to see me when i dream.

I whisper to myself so that nobody hears as i talk to myself like your right here.

it makes me so lost to not see your face but who knows maybe you'll love me one day.

till then I'll write what you'll never see and say words you'll never speak.

and if you ever found this out I'd lie and spring up silly talk

-Kelly

Broke Me

I had to watch you walk away I miss you but you'll never miss me I’ll hide the fact you ever broke me And I smile when you're with her.

You never really truly believed, That I ever really loved me and by time I figured it out You where rescuing her and I wasn’t welcome anymore.

I never wanted a white house. I never needed a friend I only wanted someone to listen I never meant to get broken again But you broke me so easily and now what, What do I have? I’ve got this little pieces of memories just floting around my head.

Every time I see you...I hurt. and every time I hear your name I want to burst. and sometimes when I’m alone I scream out loud Because all the words you said, they turned into lies and everything I trusted, was gone inside.

You let me believe You let me believe You let me believe in you.

You never really truly believed in me ever really thought I loved me and by time I figured it all out You where rescuing her and I was welcome anymore.

I never wanted a white horse. Never needed a friend I only wanted someone to listen I never meant to get broken again But you broke me so easily and now what, what do I have? I’ve got this little pieces of memories floting around my head.

Now you get to listen to my broke heart Written with words for the world to see All those cracks, bumps and burises. All that it is you did to me.

-Kelly

A Work

Paper notes, passed over time words you wrote just for me puts smiles on my face and I hide them from you

taking your time you walk in front of me I watch your steps there protecting me

and if I told you I loved you would you still love me if I let myself feel the way you feel would you still feel the same.

hands so close they could touch make my gards go up. I pull and you push but if things were differently would you stop liking the chase

feelings wrapped in confusing it's easy to say it will all stay the same.

But if I told you I loved you would you still love me if I let myself feel the way you feel would you still feel the same.

I can't help but have these feelings that one day you'll leave because I don't know what it is that you see in me.

So when I tell you I love you I need you to love me and when I let myself feel what you feel for me. I need those feelings to stay the same.

-Kelly

Misunderstanding

It hadn't even been a year when I realized you were something new. When I knew there was something there besides those normal feelings. Something I never let myself feel I have my walls and for good reasons And I let them down that holiday season. And I let them crumble so easily

The fall’s so much harder when there’s something to lose. The idea of the person I made him out to be The person I see he turned out to be I brace for the ground Ready to run the second I land

Now it would seem we're strangers pretend you’re not in the same room but sneak glances when you're not looking You Whisper I love you in my ear with the understanding of friends.

I told you secrets secrets intended for you then you made it a show Had to give those walls a reason to build back up

I try and remind myself that there was something something I saw something that was real I try and remind myself that there was something something I loved something I wanted But I don't see those things anymore

The fall’s so much harder when there’s something to lose. The idea of the person I made him out to be The person I see he turned out to be I brace for the ground Ready to run the second I land

Now it would seem we're strangers pretend you're not in the same room but sneak glances when you're not looking Whisper I love you in my ear with the understanding of friends.

The fall was so much harder when I lost you. The idea of the person I made you out to be was different from the person you turned out to be No ground to brace for this time

Now it would seem we’re strangers No need to pretend. We’re not in the same room And I only glance at memories Memories of the stranger I feel in love with

-Kelly

Nassau

Day Three

I had the strangest feeling today. It was the opposite feeling as I did yesterday. Today when we pulled into port it was beautiful everywhere. The water was clear there were big buildings and hotels. I didn’t understand what was going on at first. Why were we having our work day here when yesterday we were clearly in a worst part of the islands? Everywhere you looked there was high end shops and tourist. It didn’t seem like it need much help anywhere. Than our bus arrived, our driver was Abraham he is the director of Bahamas Methodist Habitat which is the group we worked with. I was still really excited even with all the confusion, but after being in the bus for a few minutes and driving away from the port I realized why we were here. I hadn’t really seen anything like it. I didn’t understand how something so falling apart could be so close to something so put together. It seemed like we were only in the van for a few minutes when we got to our worksite. We pulled in between two businesses into what looked like an alleyway but turned out to be this little village looking area. There where people sitting outside and they all seemed excited to see us. I was a little overwhelmed but I didn’t want anyone to know. We got out and met everyone then we were put to work, this got me really excited. I love feeling like I’m helping people in any way I can. We cleaned out some trash so it would be easier to put up the walls of the house we were helping to build up. The little kids even came out to help they looked just as excited to help as I was. We all had work gloves but the little kids that had come to help didn’t so I gave mine to this little boy named Cecil. He was one of the best workers today so happy to help us in any way. He would refill our bottles of water for us, take buckets of trash to the trash pile, and made us laugh all day. I don’t think I’m ever going to forget him. He told us about how he wants to be a police officer and he does a mean impression of a police siren. He told us about how fighting is bad and how he gets beaten up by bullies sometimes. I noticed that he always had a smile on his face and you could tell that he was just a really good kid. I plan on keeping a picture of him to remind me to pray that he stays a good kid. We also met his cousin Lamar who is in my opinion is the cutest two year old I have ever met. I think he knew how cute he was too because anytime I had a camera on him he would smile big. I walked over when I saw Eric and Lamar having a conversation, they had made up their own language and were speaking to each other. It was adorable and I took a picture of Lamar and told him to smile big and he did so.

We had all been working hard. One of the things I was worried about was the heat I had put a weather bug for Nassau on my computer a week before we left so I could see how hot it was there. Nothing could have prepared me for that heat. The sun was coming straight down on us all morning and I felt like I was melting. Just then it started to rain we all got under a porch of one of the neighbors houses and waited it out. It didn’t rain long just long enough to get everything a little muddy. When it stopped raining we all got back to work now much cooler. We worked for a little while longer when another round of rain came. We all ran to cover the power tools and clean up the worksite. This time it didn’t seem like it was going to stop and the work site was starting to flood out a bit. I hated sitting on that porch in the rain waiting for it to stop in order to help everyone. We did get to take the time to get to know some of the other kids that lived in the area a little better. They told us about their schools and their plans for college. It was cool getting to hear their plans and what they think about school. After sitting on the porch for awhile we realized it wasn’t going to stop for awhile and we went back to work in the rain, that excited me. We were all in water past our ankles playing with power tools in the rain but it was a lot of fun. We started putting up the walls and it started looking like a house. By the end of the day all the walls were up and they had cut the windows and doors out. It was awesome getting to see it come alive and being able to help it come alive.

After we were done at that work site they took our group to All Saints Camp also known as Aids camp. When they told us we were going to an Aids camp and I’m not going to lie the idea freaked me out. I had never met anyone with Aids and I didn’t really know how it affected people in the long run. Then they explained that it was really a place where people who couldn’t really take are of themselves lived. It was kinds of like the Bahamians version of a nursing home. We got to meet a few of the people that lived in this village type of area. Francesa was one of the sweetest people I think I’ve ever met. She had this funny way of telling all of her stories and smiled when she didn’t know what to say. Betty seemed like someone you didn’t want to mess with but had this very secret sweet side to her, She was also a very good cook. We think it’s because he name is Betty and anyone named Betty has to be a good cook. We also met Garvin, Seeing him broke my heart a little at first. But then I realized he has this joy about him that you don’t see in a lot of people. The kind of joy that makes you smile when you see it. He is this man that only has half a body but it looks like he’s never thought as himself as different. Just being around him made me happier, seeing his smile. If I could I would have go and visit with him everyday we need more people like Garvin in this world. We also met Rachel a little girl who really found us. She saw us walking along the path to Garvin's house and yelled out the window “Hello Americans!” She followed us into Garvin's house and even prayed with us. It surprised me how fast the children in the Bahamas trust you. I had never met this little girl and she ran right up to me and held my hand. I was amazed by everything I saw in Nassau and humbled by the people there. I have pictures and memories that are going to last forever and I can't wait to go back there one day!

-Kelly