Worthy

Worthy by Kelly Elizabeth Jarvis.

This is something I wrote last year while I was working at my old church. I wrote it as part of a project that I had been planning for months. While the reason behind it may have been for other people I feel like when I was sitting down to write it I was speaking to myself in a lot of ways. I know for a fact I was speaking about myself. I've dealt with a lot of things in my life. Good and bad and I am blessed for all of them. This is always a reminder to me of the things God is willing to do for me and it would seem that it reopens my eyes to just how much he loves me every time I read it. I realize now that I wasn't the one writing it at the time, that these words came from God when I needed them and for me to share them to others who may be needing them.

Sometimes I feel like my knees will forever be part of the ground I lay here on. It’s then that you pick me up and hold me tight so I can hear your heartbeat. I see myself as weak in all of their eyes, but you see my strength. I seem cold to them all. But you know it’s my hurt that goes so deep I can’t see the light at the end of the hole I’ve dug myself in. I hold back feelings as to not let them all see. That I’m so broken inside I can’t even see me. But you tell me I have purpose, a reason for this life. My tongue is sore from biting my word, because I can’t seem to use the ones you do to describe me. beautiful, wonderful, and amazing. Caring and strong. These words that you use make me come undone. You speak like I am worth a place on this earth and watch me like I am a gift. You are my God and I am your child and I will forever love you.

-Kelly

Remember John 3:16

As woman I think that ideas are placed in our minds at a very young age. We are show fairytale after fairytale and, told that there is a prince charming out there for us. Some of us spend our whole lives waiting for this grand gesture from someone that proves their love for us. We've grown to need that kind of confirmation in our everyday lives. We are disappointed if this unrealistic expectation never happens. And yet. It has. We seem to have forgotten that we all started out with the biggest grand gesture of them all. Someone has already given up the most important thing in their lives for you. Someone has already died to love you. One put himself on a cross and one sent him to do so. One was spit on, beating, and torn down, and one had to watch in pain. They did this so that one day they could spend forever with you. They may not sparkle in the sunlight or write songs about Their undying love for you. But one created the sunlight and one did died for you.

-Kelly

Grand Gesture

Grand Gesture by Kelly Elizabeth Jarvis.


I would see myself as a very strong independent woman. While I haven't been a woman for very long as I am only 22, however I've always felt like I could take care of myself. I've never grown up thinking about the day I get married, and I'm not sure I will ever get married. It's not something I tend to put great thought into.

However I have noticed that for most girls this is the case. I have friends (Nicole) that have files for their wedding day and they aren't even dating anyone right now. Now I'm not saying that marriage isn't something I haven't thought about. I was engaged when I was seventeen and that's when I realized that this idea of growing up and finding "the one" was getting in the way of what was really happening.
I came around and realized that this was the first person who ever told me they loved me outside of my family, and while we had fun together we weren't made for each other. We were seventeen and we just wanted someone to love us, and we figured that getting married would mean having someone love us, forever.

I've often thought about what would have happened if I never changed my mind. If I hadn't broken it off. If I had never grown up and realized that while being asked to marry someone is kind of magical, and for a moment in your life the only people in the world are you and that person. That in the background, you have a real life, and that this answer changes that real life. They don't tell you about that in those .

As woman I think that ideas are placed in our minds at a very young age. We are show fairytale after fairytale and, told that there is a prince charming out there for us. Some of us spend our whole lives waiting for this grand gesture from someone that proves their love for us. We've grown to need that kind of confirmation in our everyday lives. We are disappointed if this unrealistic expectation never happens. And yet. It has. We seem to have forgotten that we all started out with the biggest grand gesture of them all. Someone has already given up the most important thing in their lives for you. Someone has already died to love you. One put himself on a cross and one sent him to do so. One was spit on, beating, and torn down, and one had to watch in pain. They did this so that one day they could spend forever with you. They may not sparkle in the sunlight or write songs about Their undying love for you. But one created the sunlight and one did died for you.

Remember John 3:16

-Kelly

Always before you leave. Tell me you love me.

As I sit and wait the walls all seem to close in slowly, As they all turn to gray, As I close my eyes and try and focus on the last words we spoke today.

We knew one of us would have to say good-bye, pictures play over and over again I rest on the past knowing this would be the end to the future Words passing by like lighting bugs,

Smiles and laughs the people that said it would never last. The people that would never know who we are, The words I said everyday as you walk out my life for a few moments Always before you leave tell me you love me. And with a smile you would replay Everyday forever always, that's what's bringing me back home.

I rest my head on the wall. Stopping my eyes from letting the salt pour, This would be our end just now Forever and always still lasting

Your face is all I could see when my eyes open the room was empty we held each others hands And knew it was the end. Sometime even we couldn't stop time

For this moment we play our songs and watched our painted memories

Smiles and laughs the people that said it would never last. The people that would never know who we are, The words I said everyday as you walk out my life for a few moments always before you leave tell me you love me. And with a smile you would replay Everyday, Forever, always, That's what brings me back home.

Don't hold your breath You'll be holding it forever, Eyes locked Everyone starring but there's only us, we would have never been more alive if it not for our amazing lives

Hold one last time with the strength of an ox that last breath in my ear you let out that sound with a cold breath across my cheek you said

Always remember The Smiles and laughs The people that had our backs The ones that know who we always could be Remember the words that kept me coming home Always before you leave tell me you love me. And for one last time he replayed, Everyday, forever always,

-Kelly

A Smile and a Smirk

You give up things that aren't true,

You make me feel like I can't keep what's real inside me, How can this be. I know what I knew and said what I should, You lie to me. And why must I feel this way how can you just make me forget who I am, Make me feel like I can't tell time

I'm hiding from things that don't seem real anymore I'm hiding from you.

sorry you forgot to tell me the truth sorry I woke up and realized you keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away,

your rain on my window, you'll always be gone by morning, and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to thank you.

Do you see what's happened you left me with nothing when I thought I knew everything? and now you see I'm left with stupid memories of you like they are going to keep me company I don't need over used images of happy time's but you keep lying to yourself then maybe one day everything will come true, and you can keep saying its not me its you.

Sorry you forgot to tell the truth. Sorry I woke up and realized. You keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away, Your rain on my window you'll always be gone by morning. and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to say thank you.

Now we hide the easy part. The let go and down fall. walk past in the halls with not much then a nod never say how much the taste still stays, always acting like its okay. But you'll still be looking for my smile and smirk while I'm still making sure you never make me happy, and watch the days go by till i forget all your lies

Sorry you forgot to tell me the truth. Sorry I woke up and realized. you keep talking like its going to make a difference why would this matter you can't keep me any farther away your rain on my window you'll always gone by morning. and when I see you its like salt in a wound keeping me from you was such a good idea I forgot to thank you.

-Kelly

Silly Talk

so i hide what i feel in silly talk on the phone at 8 O-Clock.

I close my eyes but never sleep you never come to see me when i dream.

I whisper to myself so that nobody hears as i talk to myself like your right here.

it makes me so lost to not see your face but who knows maybe you'll love me one day.

till then I'll write what you'll never see and say words you'll never speak.

and if you ever found this out I'd lie and spring up silly talk

-Kelly

Broke Me

I had to watch you walk away I miss you but you'll never miss me I’ll hide the fact you ever broke me And I smile when you're with her.

You never really truly believed, That I ever really loved me and by time I figured it out You where rescuing her and I wasn’t welcome anymore.

I never wanted a white house. I never needed a friend I only wanted someone to listen I never meant to get broken again But you broke me so easily and now what, What do I have? I’ve got this little pieces of memories just floting around my head.

Every time I see you...I hurt. and every time I hear your name I want to burst. and sometimes when I’m alone I scream out loud Because all the words you said, they turned into lies and everything I trusted, was gone inside.

You let me believe You let me believe You let me believe in you.

You never really truly believed in me ever really thought I loved me and by time I figured it all out You where rescuing her and I was welcome anymore.

I never wanted a white horse. Never needed a friend I only wanted someone to listen I never meant to get broken again But you broke me so easily and now what, what do I have? I’ve got this little pieces of memories floting around my head.

Now you get to listen to my broke heart Written with words for the world to see All those cracks, bumps and burises. All that it is you did to me.

-Kelly