Thoughts

I find that I'm often bored when my mind isn't being swept away in a book or lost in a conversation.

Words

Every once and awhile you come across words that play to your heartstrings like magic, seamlessly dancing off the pages tingling in your fingertips. Words can so eloquently be placed out into the world, only to be heard and forgotten. But that doesn’t make them any less honest, any less meaningful, or any less real. Beauty isn’t always seen with plain eyes. It can be spoken by simple tongue and heard by sensible ears. Words can be used as weapons against our greatest fears. Words make us fall in love, believe in magic, and even brings to light feelings we can’t explain with words. We spit our words out like fireflies watching them light the bright sky and not knowing their purpose. We take advantage of ourselves, forget the power we hold, and demean others with our words. We delight in the rhythm of their placement and sway to their lyrics. We indulge ourselves in meaningless conversation and run away at the sound of commitment. Words change lives just by the way they are laid on a page. Words can bring smiles to faces of sorrow, joy to unnerving souls, and comfort to worried hearts. The only thing more powerful than words are the ways in which we use them..

-Kelly

February

Big blue eyes and a smile that goes on for miles All those jokes yet you've still got no style You knew all the right things to sayYou made my knees shake by the way But I've come to find the truth It never meant a thing to you

Thought I knew you from the start Thought our love was something smart It all made perfect sense to me

Oh by the way you made me dance All the words you made me sing Maybe it was all just a dream Because nothing is perfect When it all goes wrong Memories fade & people begin to stray Strings break, songs get too long And the things we once thought We don't think at all.

You Took the biggest part You Broke my fragile heart You Left me in the dark

And now you Think this is a game And you've Misplaced all the blame

Thought I knew you from the start Thought our love was something smart It all made perfect sense to me

Oh by the way you made me dance All the words you made me sing Maybe it was all just a dream Because nothing is perfect When it all goes wrong Memories fade and people begin to stray Strings break, songs get too long And the things we once thought We don't think at all.

-Kelly

Times They Aren't A Changin'

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down, for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

And the pavement has come to know my knees so well. We've become old friends in the worst of ways. Just dust yourself off and move on with your day. But it's what they can't see that's always scaring me.

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

He spends his nights in angry fits And as the sun appears so comes those sorry tears. He spits out words to comfort all my worried fears until I forgive those sorry eyes.

Should I be tearing down these walls again? Before they all start to cave in. Nothings permanent they say, Yet I've felt him braking me down for what seems like forever and a day.

Maybe he's telling the truth this time? Maybe I don't have to be afraid? After all they say people change.

I’ve studied his face and mastered his moves. I know when he’s bad and when he’s good. He’s got these tells that only I can see. And they almost never end with me being happy.

I’m tearing down these walls. Letting them come on down. I’ve made my mistakes thinking he’ll change those words he keeps spiting are sounding all the same. There's no easy way out I can’t be afraid those people were wrong. He’ll never change.

-Kelly

The Bible in my hallway

I've see you in the hall almost every day these last few weeks, yet I haven't acknowledge your presence. We've known each other for years and while we've had our differences, I've always seemed to come back to you whenever I feel like I'm falling apart. You always know what to say at the very moment I need it the most, and I know that among all the words inside you I will always find my way.

I realize that every time I just walk by and don't say hello I'm slipping farther away. I can spend my night praying to keep our connection but at some point I'm going to have to work harder at the end of the day. So I'm not walking past you again without picking you up like an old friend. I've lost myself before and you were the one who brought me back to where I needed to be. I'll never be able to thank you for that, but I can start by reminding myself every day why I believe.

-Kelly

Who am I?

I don't have a badge that says "Christian" on it. It's not something I wear printed across my chest. It's who I am, and while I may not literally have a sign pointed at me at all times declaring that I am a believer. I want people to be able to look at me and know what I believe. I want to be a walking testament of all thee amazing things God has done in my life.

-Kelly

If you ask me how I'm beautiful, this is what I'ed say.

I am self-conscious. I feel judged by others with everything I do. I sometimes am scared when I think about the future. Sometimes I tell myself I don’t want to be with anyone and would rather just end up alone. Other times I’m scared to death of the idea. I complain, I stress, and I strive for perfection knowing full well it doesn’t exist. I can be loud, opinionated, caring, optimistic, and pessimistic all at the time same. I sometimes feel unworthy. I sometimes doubt myself. I try not to be quick to judge but I’m only human. I’ve lost people I care about. I’ve been let down. I’m easily offended and my feelings get hurt a lot, but I never let people know. I can usually be found wearing a smile, even when I’m not happy. I haven’t forgotten where I’ve come from or ever wished I could change it. I’m guilty of being jealous of other people. I have been proud when I shouldn’t have. I’ve hurt people on purpose before. I can be bitter, cold, and unforgiving sometimes. I’ve never claimed to be perfect and I haven’t always stood up for myself. I sometimes can’t sleep because of nightmares. I’ve always love the way words can paint a picture if laid in the right order. I spend most of my time to myself and sometimes I can be shy. I don’t always feel comfortable. I judge myself more than anyone else ever has. I don’t take criticism well but I do learn from it. I am nervous about everything and often give myself butterflies even when it’s something I’ve done a million times. I’ll only cry if I’m alone and I won’t tell people if it happens. I don’t sleep enough and sometimes I can be very unproductive. I doubt myself and I feel like my opinions don’t matter, but I’ll say them anyway. In emergency situations I’m always fast to act and help in whatever way I can, but as soon as everything is fine and I am alone I will have a breakdown and need to be in a ball and cry. I’ve been broken down and felt like I was at the end of my rope but I’ve always gotten back up. I’ve fallen away from God and from my family before. I’ve pulled myself out from dark places. I’ve been humbled by God’s grace. I’ve had moments of weakness, lost hope, and I’ve been tired. I’m not perfect by any means. But someone still died for me to be here. Someone still gave his life for me to live this clumsy life. Someone still loved me enough to look past all my flaws and want nothing more than to have me forever. Before I was even born he had a plan for me, and now I’m just trying my best to follow him.

-Kelly